


Icarus

by AmoreanonynameFormerlySteerintoit



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Codependent Winchesters (Supernatural), Gen, HARD gen, M/M, No Smut, Quote: Sam and Dean Winchester are psychotically irrationally erotically codependent on each other, Short One Shot, Stream of Consciousness, Wincest - Freeform, can't kill him either, gencest, sam can't live with dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-10-18 02:09:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20631350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmoreanonynameFormerlySteerintoit/pseuds/AmoreanonynameFormerlySteerintoit
Summary: When Sam was a kid, he thought the sun rose and set with his big brother. He laughed looking back at how silly he was. As an adult, he knew Deanwasthe sun.





	Icarus

**Author's Note:**

> This... may not even qualify as a fic. It's a thing I wrote. Sam is a bit angsty and thinking too hard.

When Sam was a kid, he thought the sun rose and set with his big brother. He laughed looking back at how silly he was. As an adult, he knew Dean _was_ the sun.

Somewhere along the way, Sam had realized that all life, and all light, and all warmth and joy, came directly from Dean. That the world was what it was, because Dean existed in it. 

And when Dean didn't exist, the world changed. When Dean was gone, everything became colder, greyer, sadder, lifeless. When Dean was gone, happiness went with him, and Sam could feel his own life slipping out of him. Looking back on that year, when Dean was in Purgatory, when Sam was trying to move on, he'd realized it. That if Dean was dead, it was only a matter of time before Sam followed.

Sometimes, Sam hated him. Well, not really, he never could _really_ hate Dean, no matter how much he'd wanted to at times, no matter how much easier it might have made things. But sometimes Dean's warmth became searing, his energy destructive, his need overwhelming. Sometimes it was all too much for Sam, and basking in Dean's light felt more like standing in a fire. Sometimes he had to run, to hide, to escape, go somewhere else, do something else, be someone else, or he felt like every last piece of himself would burn away. 

He had no doubt that Dean could consume all of him, if Sam let him. 

But as Sam orbited away, he always somehow found himself orbiting back. Dean was a force unto himself. Sam would tell himself he was happy, would be almost convinced he _was_ happy. Until Dean crashed through his door, crashed through everything Sam had built, showing him how shoddy and fake and ephemeral it really was. And Sam wouldn't realize how cold he'd really been. And all of a sudden, he couldn't bear the idea of ever being without his warmth ever again. 

Until he couldn't bear to be near it a moment longer. And so it would go. With Dean or away from him, slowly fatal in equal measure. Sam could immolate in Dean's atmosphere, or wither away in the dark.

Slowly, slowly, they had finally managed to find a sweet spot. Where he could stay, where he _got_ to stay. Slowly, slowly, Sam had learned his own strength, that he could, in fact, withstand the heat of Dean's love without having to lose himself entirely in the flames. He learned that Dean's brightness could be brilliant, without being blinding. Dean had learned how to manage his intensity, because Dean hated losing his world as much as Sam hated losing his warmth. And Dean didn't truly _want_ to engulf Sam. If he did, there'd be no reason left to shine. Slowly, slowly, they bent the universe to their will, until they could exist together. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave feedback - even the bad stuff! Especially the bad stuff!


End file.
